


Storm

by TheBlackShadow1210



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst, Gen, Loneliness, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Padawan Anakin Skywalker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 16:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19154836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlackShadow1210/pseuds/TheBlackShadow1210
Summary: Living in the Temple might not be what 9-year-old Anakin had imagined. Without his Mother by his side, he feels abandoned, devastated by the loss of Qui-Gon Jinn. However, he may not be the only one suffering.





	Storm

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!
> 
> It's been forever since I last posted anything but I couldn't get myself to do so. Let me apologise with this angsty one-shot. ;)
> 
> So, this takes place shortly after Episode I. It was kinda requested by Angel Of Light long ago, and I finally made it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! :)
> 
> I'm sorry if the ending isn't the best but I didn't want the story to be too long. :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Something woke him up and he had no idea what it was. His eyes snapped open as the sudden noise rang again in his ears. He winced in slight fear and lifted his small body, shrugging off the coldness of the night.

He rubbed his eyes and heard another loud noise. Thunder. It was thunder and heavy rain. Nothing to be afraid of.

Right?

There on Tatooine, storms used to be loud and scary and dangerous. He would wake up late at night and cry. But his Mother would hug him, she would kiss his tears away and sing him to peaceful sleep again. Her arms would comfort him.

She has always been his guardian angel, she would guide him home even if he was completely lost, because her beaming light was all he needed in his own tunnel of darkness.

Now, however, he was told to forget about her. It wasn't an option, of course, because he couldn't. He will always remember her as the kindest, most caring person he's ever met. Padmé doesn't count.

Thunder loudly struck somewhere nearby, making him jump. He squeezed his eyes and clutched the blankets that wrapped his little body. His short braid, the symbol of his apprenticeship, was resting on a white pillow, and he still couldn't get used to it. It was his new life. As a free being or so they say.

There were many things he could not comprehend. He tried, he really did. But all these rules seemed to be too much. No passion, no belongings, no attachment. How could he not think about his mom? She was far away, and he was sure she still remembered the days when they were at each other's side.

He wanted to tell her goodnight so badly. Here, no one really cares about hugs and lullabies. Why?

Why is everything different in these grim walls?

There was no love between them, no warmth or care. They were living their lives, expecting him to do the same. He was a stranger to all of these habits, to this place, to them. And he was alone, an abandoned child.

Master Qui-Gon was dead. Master Qui-Gon left, like he did leave his Mother. She would say that he is in a better place now, that he's happy, that it's okay to cry.

Yet, here no one tells him to take his time to grieve. They tell him to move on, to abandon those thoughts and release the feelings into the Force. Master Jinn's passing seemed to have been left forgotten.

As another thunder hit the grounds of Coruscant, he jumped to his bare feet, coldness was still holding him tightly and as much as he'd love to search for some loving warm arms to hug him, he knew there were none.

He walked up to the window and looked at the dark sky. Stars were hidden behind angry black clouds. Every few seconds another lightnings appeared, tearing the sky apart.

He watched as rain droplets lazily cascaded down the window. He felt... different, empty. He missed his mom. He missed warmth and the feeling of her arms around him.

Master Obi-Wan does not hug him like she used to do. He doesn't hug him at all.

Everything inside his head was chaotic. Does Obi-Wan even want him? Maybe he's just another burden?

He seemed to be so cold, as cold as ice. He didn't tell him goodnight, he didn't cheer him up after Qui-Gon's funeral. His mom would always talk things out. His mom would let him cry and throw stones off his heart.

He looked at the darkened walls, then, at the door. With hesitation, he ran out, not knowing why. He just felt like walking.

These corridors were huge, but also empty and sad. Will he spend the rest of his life here? Of course, he wanted to be a Jedi, but at the same time he didn't want to lose the part of home - the memories of his Mother, for she's been everything he always had. He knew no one could replace her. Here, no one even wanted to anyway.

Storm has became stronger, as if angrier. He was scared. So scared. Not only of the noise and lightnings and thunders, no. He was scared of being alone, of failing, of becoming one of them.

He has never missed touch as much as right now. Sadness was smashing him inside. His thoughts were crazily spinning around. Has he made a mistake by coming to this place? Does he truly want that?

Perhaps the vision of bright, free future blinded him? Did he really get this liberty he's dreamed of?

All of a sudden, his anxious thoughts got much heavier, and he couldn't keep on walking. He slid down and started crying. His small head hid in those light robes, and he buried himself in the coldness, darkness and loneliness.

And he cried. He cried as never before.

~~~o*o~~~

It was another night he could not spend on sleeping. Ghosts of the past, of what could have been, haunted his mind. Voice of the man who used to be his mentor was ringing in his ears and every time he closed his eyes, he could see that body in his arms.

The smell of fire as it was consuming Qui-Gon's body tormented his nostrils, waking up his darkest demons. His heart was bleeding and mind was shattering silently. He didn't want to let go, he didn't want to forget although he knew he should. His Master had always been able to push him further, even if he was losing faith.

It all became a memory. Grey and smashing memory.

And there was also Anakin... he agreed with the Council, the boy was too old and too attached. However, truth be told, he wasn't sure if he was against it because Qui-Gon had loved the boy since the beginning, or because he was fearful himself.

After all, he was only a Padawan, he couldn't take responsibility for another life, for a child. He was knighted because he'd killed. In rage and fury. Because he'd wanted revenge. How can he teach such a little slave boy to be a good Jedi while he has never truly been one?

Thunder struck. Sounds of the storm were reflection of his own feelings, his chaotic thoughts. He grieved, drowning in sorrow silently. He was an adult, but he felt like a toddler. He felt as if he was new to the world, as if he lost a part of himself that would never be reborn again.

Maybe it was true. Qui-Gon left him, he became one with the Force, leaving him with nothing but a small 9-year-old boy.

What should he do now? He wanted to be strong as a Jedi should. But he simply couldn't. He couldn't. Burying his emotions was much easier than facing and fighting them.

Everything was so unreal. He still has been lying to himself that it was just a dream - Naboo, Maul, Qui-Gon's death. But he knew he couldn't wake up from this nightmare.

He sighed and fingered his short hair, where he looked for his braid. But it wasn't there. He wasn't a Padawan anymore. He was a Knight, an adult. He should be acting like one. There was no one to guide him now, to tell him what he's doing wrong. Everything he had to find out on his own.

He heavily sighed again and stood up. Thoughts were anxious, and he couldn't piece them together. Storm within his heart got much stronger. He sought peace. He sought answers.

He walked out of his quarters, hoping to get some fresh air.

Hallways were empty, his light steps were echoing around. He was listening to rain droplets anxiously hitting the roof. From time to time, thunder came, and sometimes it made him jump. The storm, as much as it was somewhat soothing, gave the night some dangerous aura.

Could others sleep? Could they find peace after everything? Could they be calm when there was a lot going on?

He looked around, admiring architecture of this place. It was his home but... why couldn't he feel it? Why couldn't he see beauty of the Temple anymore? Without his Master, it just wasn't the same and he couldn't understand it. The walls, the windows, furniture... everything looked like it used to. Yet, somehow, it was much different. Empty. Because people make home, not anything else.

Then, as he was about to get back to his room, he heard thin voice somewhere near, trying to break through the sounds of heavy rain and thunders. It was somehow familiar.

Sobs. He could hear quiet sobs.

He frowned and looked around once again. In the darkness of these halls he could see a small figure on the ground, leaning against the wall. The kid's head was hidden in the robes, but he didn't need to see anything more, for he's already known who it was.

He blinked and cautiously came up to the sobbing boy.

"Anakin?" he quietly asked. The sobs immediately stopped.

His new Padawan looked up after a few seconds. His cheeks were wet and eyes red.

He frowned and kneeled right in front of him, placing a hand on his small shoulder.

"What happened?" his voice was quiet and calm, although he felt awkward. How was he supposed to find a connection with a child? A child from the outside world? A child who was a slave not long ago?

He didn't know. He knew nothing. He has never been good with kids. He felt like it was so long ago when he himself had been one. Besides, Anakin has not been a normal Jedi youngling. He knew life which no one else from here did.

He was aware that he might have been too harsh on him but he didn't think it would make the boy cry. He didn't intend to hurt anyone, he just couldn't deal with his own grief.

Was it possible that he'd used Anakin to get the stones off his troubled heart? Or maybe he was too jealous? After all, even the last words of Qui-Gon were concerning Anakin.

The youngling's eyes have been staring into his own for a few good moments and no one has spoken a single word. Anakin's blue orbs made him feel... different. He couldn't describe it. He wouldn't find good words even if he tried. This boy reminded him of the death of his mentor, but he also was the last thing that he'd left him. Obi-Wan had promised him to be a Jedi but... will it ever be possible?

He wasn't like other children here. He didn't even know how much this life would cost him. Forgetting the past, getting rid of attachments, losing. This life was connected to all of it.

He tried to smile, but it didn't come easily. In fact, it didn't come at all. His grief was still too fresh, and releasing it into the Force was difficult.

How could he expect Anakin to do this, then?

"Can we talk?" he asked, feeling puzzled. It was the first time he had to have a serious talk with other person, and the fact that this person was so little, didn't calm him down.

Does he have to be careful with words? Is it hard to hurt a child?

... Maybe he already did it. He wasn't very happy to have him in this Temple.

'Pathetic life form', it was how he called him at first. Was he too judgemental? Too arrogant?

Anakin blinked and nodded silently, not bothering to speak. His cheeks have still been wet and there have been tears in the corners of his ocean blue, now also sad, eyes.

"Good." Obi-Wan got to his feet and reached out for him with his hand. "Come on." he tried to smile but didn't succeed again.

~~~o*o~~~

Master Obi-Wan led him to his room. They both have been silent on their road. He was trying to stop his tears but sadness he's been feeling for so long just exploded. He missed his mom very much. He had no one here. He was all alone. The man who'd freed him was dead. His mom was far. And Obi-Wan... he didn't like him. He considered him a burden, of that he could be more than certain.

He was just a slave to him, too old to get a better life, too fearful.

But... how could he not be if he had no idea what will become of him? What will his future be like? Will his Mother be alright without him?

Will it always be this way? Will they always treat him like someone from the outside?

Where does his destiny lie? He couldn't believe the Force would entirely guide him through life. Not long ago, he had had no idea that it even existed.

Yes, he has always been good at reading people's emotions, thoughts. However, it has never been an issue for him. He's never thought of it as of some kind of 'magic'.

He had a lot of questions but no answers.

As he thought about everything, tears welled up in his eyes anew, and he sniffed, watching Obi-Wan's stone face. Why was he so cold? Why can't he hug him?

He started being ashamed of his tears. He shouldn't have cried. He ought to be mature. He was to be a Jedi. Sadness only disappoint them, that, at least, was what he's noticed so far.

Obi-Wan sighed and glanced at him, his face serious but gaze... strangely different from the one he'd been receiving since his arrival here.

"What has happened?" he asked suddenly, shattering this terrible quiet.

He only looked at him but couldn't take his glare for a bit longer. His crying must have been upsetting to him, that's it. He didn't ask because he cared, no. He hated him, so why would he be nice?

He surely wanted to throw him out now, like a broken thing.

He felt helpless. Even if he was there with him, in this room, his soul screamed from loneliness. Even when he talked, he felt like speaking to his own shadow, and his voice would echo in the cave of darkness he has been stuck in.

He sniffed and wiped his tears away but more and more were coming up. He was losing with himself, with his bleeding heart.

"Padawan." the voice of his new Master rang in his ears once again and he blinked, refusing to look up. Hands cupped his small chin unexpectedly and he saw his smooth face. "What were you doing out of your quarters so late?"

He gulped, not sure what to say. He didn't want to be a disappointment. He didn't want to upset him more. He just wanted to feel loved and warm. Was it a crime?

"I'm sorry. I-I got lost." he murmured quietly, afraid. If he said something wrong, would Obi-Wan beat him? Insult him? Say how hopeless he was? How useless, maybe? He was used to different world, where nothing comes without a price. Nothing really matters, neither health, nor one's happiness. People there, people like him, must watch their tongue unless they want a punishment. He certainly doesn't.

He swallowed and nervously inhaled, waiting for anything to come, for words that would hurt more than knives. Yet, nothing came.

"Lost?" the man instead asked and fingered his hair.

A hand was placed on his shoulder and there was... this strange feeling in his mind. Was it this bond he'd heard about earlier?

He didn't respond. Choosing silence was sometimes better. Especially when it comes to people who have upper hand.

"Why were you crying?" a question came and he got even more anxious than before. He couldn't simply tell him everything that had been tormenting his young soul. He couldn't gather his thoughts. He could only watch and wait.

This man was his new owner. Even if he, by all rights, wasn't enslaved any longer. He simply felt it, he was in the cage with no way out. He had no one and nothing. On his own, hollow and insecure, lost in the maze. This Temple wasn't what he'd imagined it would be.

"I'm just... I'm just tired, Master Obi-Wan." he finally whispered, his voice was shaky. He was trying so hard to hide his desire to cry. Yet, Obi-Wan wasn't the one to be fooled easily - that much he could see.

"Anakin." his voice was firm, and the room was so cold that he felt himself shiver.

His Master must have noticed it, for he sighed and wrapped his brown cloak around his small body.

Anakin frowned and looked into his eyes. What was he doing? Why wasn't he shouting at him? Obi-Wan's face was calm and for the first time, he couldn't read his emotions.

Something was pushing him, though. Tears broke through his walls of denial, and he grimaced in pain.

"I miss my mom." his tiny, a bit broken voice echoed in the dark room. "And I miss Master Qui-Gon..."

He saw how Obi-Wan flinched when he heard this name. He saw the pain in his grey eyes. He started to have more and more doubts. The man looked heartbroken, somehow, and he didn't know what to think about this situation. He understood death, like no one else, but he couldn't get it why here, in this Temple, everyone acted like it has never existed.

"I miss him too, little one." Obi-Wan quietly whispered and the boy, surprised at first, glanced at his face. He wasn't expecting it. He lived with certainty that this man isn't the one to feel. He considered him heartless, even.

Wasn't Obi-Wan cold and distant?

Maybe it was just he, who had been thinking of obstacles so often and it finally made them real? His mind was in one big chaos now. Obi-Wan looked truly... sad.

"M-Master Obi-Wan..." he began shyly, refusing to look at him now. He felt bad enough to think of him as of someone without compassion.

"Yes?"

"What... what was Master Qui-Gon like?" he asked, afraid of the possible reaction. Will Obi-Wan get angry now? Was this question out of place? Will he be punished for it?

The young Knight looked down at the floor and swallowed uncomfortably. It made all the buried memories alive.

He tried denying the truth, he tried forgetting. He even tried saying that Qui-Gon wasn't so good anyway. But none of his methods to get rid of the pain worked out. It only deepened his grief for the past. He knew all too well that nothing will bring his Master back to life. He also knew he ought to forget completely.

Yet, it wasn't as easy. He was close to Qui-Gon. He used to be like a caring father. At least that was what Obi-Wan thought, for he has never met his parents. The Jedi were his only family, Qui-Gon Jinn was. He's spent half of his life with him, how could he possibly forget?

"Master?" quiet voice snapped him out of this trance and for once, he was thankful. He didn't want to spend anymore time crying for something he had no influence on.

He looked at the little boy next to him who was sitting on his bed. He saw the depth of scared blue eyes which hid uncertainty and anxiety. Qui-Gon saw in him something unique. He found him worth training. Why couldn't he accept it so easily? Why couldn't he just take it as a man, as a Jedi? Anakin became his responsibility. He shouldn't be wasting more time on grieving while there was so much to do.

"He was a good man." he simply said, trying not to sound too weak. He couldn't break. "And a great Jedi. He always stood for what he believed in. He would never give up and..." he looked at the wall, cutting off unexpectedly.

'And he would want me to stay strong.', was the thought that ran across his head. He looked at the boy again, trying to give him a slight smile.

"He would say now that you need a rest, Anakin." he whispered and the boy blinked in confusion. "It's been a long day and you surely are tired, aren't you?"

The youngling frowned slightly and kept staring at him silently. Then, his face softened and he looked at his hands.

"I-- I can't sleep..." he admitted, ashamed and embarrassed, biting his lip.

"Why?"

"I'm... I'm scared." just after saying this, another lighting struck somewhere nearby and Obi-Wan noticed that Anakin flinched in fear.

His eyebrow furrowed and he gave the boy a small smile. Yes, he should stay strong. For Anakin, for himself and for Qui-Gon.

"Of storm?"

Only nod answered. He spotted a single tear that streamed down the small cheeks. He placed a hand on his Padawan's shoulder and smiled again as the boy glanced up at him. Somehow, he couldn't hate him, even if he wanted to.

"There is nothing to be scared of, little one." he tried to reassure but he's never been good at this. "Storm can't hurt you if you're inside."

The child nodded but didn't look convinced. Obi-Wan wanted to tell him that he would protect him if something was about to happen. Yet, he didn't. Besides, he didn't do it when it came to Qui-Gon. He let him die.

No. Here and now. Past is the past. It should be left behind. He should focus on his new role as a Master, which won't be any close to easy. How could he succeed? He himself still needed guidance.

"Just..." Anakin began shyly. "Storms on Tatooine are... different. It never rained there and-- I'm sorry, Master." his gaze again returned to the floor and he silently sobbed. He was making a fool of himself in front of someone who should be proud of him.

Obi-Wan cupped his chin and didn't stop smiling.

"Don't apologise, little one." he told him. Qui-Gon wouldn't want him to leave that boy alone now. He needed to act like an adult. Anakin became his responsibility. Blaming him won't do anything good. "I'm not angry."

"Aren't you?"

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. He's been a Master for a few days and he already managed to hurt someone who was supposed to trust him.

Worse of it was only the fact he didn't know how he could reply not to add more oil to this fire.

"Anakin..." he began in a whisper and gently caressed the toddler's cheek. "Let's... let's start all over again, alright?"

He forced a smile and it eased the atmosphere a little bit.

"I'm not who you think I am. I don't hate you. I don't think of you as of a burden. And I am not angry with you." he let his words sink in, because he had to get it out. He had to calm this boy down. They should trust each other. There is no trust without friendship and although it isn't really what the Code says, he doesn't want their relationship to be even colder.

"But... I thought... I thought you couldn't stand seeing me." the youngling whispered shyly and looked down. Obi-Wan felt bad for hurting him like this.

"Anakin... it's complicated. I can't explain this to you because I don't understand it myself. But I don't hate you, alright? Don't be afraid of me. I don't bite and I am sorry I made you think like that."

They were silently watching each other and none of them spoke. They both were surprised that Obi-Wan was so open about it. He's never talked about these things because it was easier not to, and Jedi teachings weren't really supportive of such matters. Yet now, he had to speak about it because he wasn't the only one who was hurting here.

"Always tell me what's bothering you, because that's why I'm here, I'm here for you. I want you to remember that."

He was watching how tears welled up in the boy's shining eyes. He heard him sniff and saw him flinch as another thunder hit the grounds of Coruscant.

He suddenly understood. Anakin was the memory of Qui-Gon. He should be thankful to the Force that it left him this little boy, because now he will not be alone.

In the wave of relief and happiness, he pulled him into a warm hug, hoping it will somewhat get Anakin's doubts out of his small head.

"M-Master?" he whispered and Obi-Wan wrapped his arms around the toddler's back, soothingly rubbing it.

He was responsible for this life. He was responsible for his training. From now on, this boy's each mistake will be also his mistake, and each success shall be his reason to be proud.

He couldn't fail Qui-Gon. He couldn't let him fall, die. He will protect him as much as possible.

He shouldn't fear, but he did. He did now because he was scared of losing him. Then, he'll be alone for real. And no one will care.

"Please, Anakin, promise me you won't leave the way Master Qui-Gon did." he whispered to his small ear. He could tell the boy was shocked but not more than he himself, that thing was certain.

"Why?" his small voice echoed in the room.

"Just do it."

"I promise, Master." he knew these words were spoken out of shock, forced, but he didn't care because they made him feel better.

"Anakin." he crouched down and took his small hands in his own. "Always remember that we have each other. No matter what, I'll always be there for you. Always. Trust me."

"A-always?" he asked in a weak whisper, shocked and taken aback. Did Obi-Wan really want him? Did he really care? Didn't he hate him?

They locked their eyes on each other and Obi-Wan once again pulled him into a hug, closing his eyes.

"Always, Anakin."

THE END


End file.
